Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
