i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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