Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
