come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
