had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
