Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
