he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
