sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
