just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
