How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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