i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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