1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
