it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Randomize
