I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
