Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
