i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
