I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
