I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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