My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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