I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
