Nicole vs. Life
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
