Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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