God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
