Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
