Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
