i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
tell me about the eggs
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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