If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Fuck appropriateness.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
