I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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