yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My penis needs a shock collar
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
