I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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