New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Quick, to the slutcave!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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