I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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