I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
