I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
