Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
