3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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