If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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