How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
