just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
