Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We smell like vodka and hangover
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
