Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
