I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
