I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
