you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
