her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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