At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
