I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
