guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
