...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
