apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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