Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
