Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
